Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
