She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
