You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
