There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
