Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
