he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
