Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
