As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You may now shotgun with the bride
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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