i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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