i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
