My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
