hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
