"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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