I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
