Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
