i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
