I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
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i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
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I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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