Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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