so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
