I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I need water and some morals
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