Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
