You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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