You're my little dorito
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
