I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
