I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
