She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
