she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
