is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
