I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
