If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
