I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
