If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
