Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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