I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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