i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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