You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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