I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
