Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
