Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
