i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
