I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
