Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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