matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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