is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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