My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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