The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
