grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
