guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
