ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
