i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
