If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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