Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
