I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
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When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
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Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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