the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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