Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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