how can u be prego again
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
