When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
