No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
