I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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