Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
