She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
