he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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