I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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