I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
