In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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