The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The power of my boobs compel you
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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