I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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