dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
