Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
