If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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