i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
