I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
