Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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