Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
