Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
