Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
