i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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