Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
