final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In other news, I just burned my penis
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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