True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
