Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
