she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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