READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
